He Says His Feelings Have Changed! What to Do When Your Man Pulls Away
You've just been hit by what feels like a ton of bricks. The man you love, the only man you can envision your life with has just told you that his he's fallen out of love with you or he doesn't feel as close to you as he once did. It's heartbreaking to be a woman in a position like this. Try as you might, you just can't figure out what went wrong and why his feelings changed so dramatically. All you want to do is rewind time back to when he couldn't get enough of you and told you he'd love you forever. Unfortunately, you have to face what is going on in your relationship and you need to make a decision. Do you accept that he's pulling away or do you do everything within your power to get him back in love with youc The answer seems clear, doesn't itc Why let him go if this is the one and only man for youc
If he says his feelings have changed take his word for it. Do not try and convince him that what he feels isn't real or he's just going through a bad patch and taking it out on you. A man typically won't confess to falling out of love unless it's something that he genuinely feels. You have to recognize that it's happened and that the relationship as you knew it is now over. Unless you can do that, you won't be able to take the necessary steps to make him want to be close to you again. Right now it all needs to be about you honouring what he's feeling and respecting what he tells you. Hiding your head in the sand will not fix this.
Attempt to talk to him about what he's feeling. This isn't as simple as asking him what changed as he may not be able to answer that in an honest and sincere way. Emotions, particularly those of the romantic sort, are often so confusing that we have trouble identifying them or pinpointing them. He may tell you that he doesn't know what changed or when it changed. Respect that he's telling you the truth and isn't trying to rub salt in your emotional wounds. If he is able to tell you when he does feel that things shifted, that that knowledge and use it as you move forward. Learn from whatever your boyfriend shares with you.
Rebuilding a relationship isn't easy but it's certainly far from impossible. There are a few methods that are worth trying first because doing them will only prove beneficial to you and to him. The first is to just take a breather from all the drama and make a decision to not talk with him for a couple of weeks. This is going to feel incredibly hard and trust me, it is, but it's worth putting in the effort to do it. The time apart will be a purging for you both. You'll have time to consider what you're really feeling and he will as well. Often, just the absence of one another is enough of a catalyst to bring you back together.
It's important that you try and look within when you want to make your man fall back in love with you. No one is perfect and we all could use some self improvements. Look inside of yourself and think about what you'd like to change and then focus your energy on that. Your goal is to show your man that you can make strides to be a better woman and potential partner to him. That alone will help him see just what a treasure you are.
Emotionally unavailable man – I pushed the issue he asked for some time apart to think?
We have been together one year – yet he has not evolved emotionally and he pulls away when i come closer to him. He chased so hard for the first 2 months….then when I started to settle and show that i wanted more the pulling away started. He sets the tone of the relationship – when we meet and don’t meet.
He is a commitment phobe and when i have hinted at going foward he throws all sorts of ridiculous issues in my face.
I also think he still is emotionally involved with his ex and he sees her when he doesn’t see me..I feel this and there have been signs…sms’s phone calls etc He feels sorry for her – she is much older than he..
I don’t know what to do i am hooked and can’t seem to walk away from this man. He has told me that he has fun with me feels great with me but will never give me more than he does now..he says he doesn’t ever wnat to get married and never wants kids
Can this type of man ever change? What can i do?
Should i just act aloof with this space thing
How can I play him at his own game? By also acting aloof? By two timing him?
Ah, this man is toying with you. You have a decision, you may either leave him, or you can play him at his own game. If he is so cryptic, then you may adopt his attitude as well. He will perhaps be intrigued by this and you can garner his interest. But that is your choice. Do what your heart tells you and you will be successful.
Why did my cancerian man pull away and emotionally shut down?
I met this guy in July and we became close friends, so close in fact, that by the October we were dating. He was very upfront about his feelings, pursued me (I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship with him at first) but by the middle of October I was totally smitten.
By the end of October he asked me outright to be his girlfriend. We had a passionate, fun relationship and really enjoyed eachothers company. He took me to Thanksgiving at his dad’s house and everything. Things were going great. He even bought up the discussion of baby names with me one night!
THEN, suddenly and without reason or warning two weeks before Christmas, he starts to look at me differently. He’s polite, but I notice a cold chill in the air and he doesn’t look at me with kind eyes anymore. I left to go back home for Christmas for three weeks and I didn’t call him until 3 days after I got home (which I didn’t think was a big deal) – but he was pissed about it (however, I think he may have been looking for reasons to be pissed at me). However, I called him quite a few times over the three weeks and he seemed funny on the phone with me. I told him I missed him and he gave some non-committal answer which hurt me a lot, but I didn’t confront him over it.
I got back after Christmas and he dumped me right away. He said he had no reason to dump me other than he had started to feel “obligated” towards me. He assured me that it was nothing I’d done as a girlfriend to make him feel that way (I’m a really laid back girlfriend!) but that’s just how he felt. When he dumped me it was like he had no emotion towards me at all. I didn’t even recognize the guy sitting in front of me. He said he wanted us to be friends and I politely told him that I didn’t feel able to do that and it just doesn’t work for me. He also told me that our 3 month relationship was the second longest he’d ever had (he’s 31!!!!!). His longest was over 3 years ago, and lasted 3 and a half years.
This happened in January, but yesterday I had to deleted him off facebook as a picture of him hanging out with a bunch of girls in a bar came up and it hurt. I wrote him a polite note to tell him why and he wrote a polite note back, but there was not emotion in it (although he took 11 hours to respond so I think he must have thought about it a lot because he has e-mail access all day)
I’m devastated. What happened to my lovely boyfriend? Why did he do this? Is this typical cancerian behavior? Will he come back?
Thanks in advance for the help.
you will never understand a cancer man.
What do you do when your fiance is crushing on another girl?
Boyfriend of 5 years, father of my 2 children has been talking to a girl online for 3 years now. Don’t go ALWOALOL ITS JUST ONLINE, because I met him online too. He had a real gf then too, but she dumped him. Recently, they’ve begun talking much much more. Sometimes 10 hours a day. They play games online together all day.
Here’s why I suspect he’s crushing on this girl –
Other than playing and talking to her all day long, to the extent of actually getting a cellphone (says its for me, my jealousy won’t allow me to believe it)
It’s the little things.
He won’t get fixed. I offered this up to him awhile ago, I said “What if you move on to another girl who wants kids and you can’t have them?” The fact that he won’t get fixed just concretes to me that he doesn’t think we’ll be together forever which has hurt and made me pull away emotionally.
We’re engaged, but he refuses to set a date. I doubt he ever will. I think he just gave me the ring because thats what you’re supposed to do after 5 years and kids, right? And to shut me up of course. Probably to shut me up.
He’s friends with her and her ex. When her ex starts talking about new guys she dates, he says he’s uncomfortable speaking of them because he’s friends with both of them. However, he has no problem speaking to her ex about new girls the ex is dating, only the guys shes dating.
Our sex life has increased a lot. I think because he feels guilty.
He actually got really angry she was playing with a guy he didnt like. I dont know if its a guy thing or what, but to me, it seemed like jealousy.
He starts fights with me constantly, over nothing. Earlier the cat wouldnt leave him alone, so he threw him and knocked the xbox over and then started yelling at me for wanting a cat. Blamed the cat for breaking his game, then blamed me. Of course I called him retarded.
He says he loves me and that he loves to fight, but him and I used to never fight. Now we fight over crap like the above example with the cat.
kkk he’s on parental leave helping me with the youngest. He goes back in 2 weeks.
he’s pretty much cheating on you….
dump him
Why does he keep changing his mind and flip-flopping?
Hi all, here’s the situation
My bf and I have been together for a year, currently we live together in his parents house.
We had talked about marriage/kids/etc and then out of no where he started getting really freaked out by any talk of that kind saying that he did want kids but not with me that he didnt want to get married and he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me.
So I stopped mentioning it and randomly on his own he comes tome and says that he’s realized he really wants to be together and he doesn’t want to waste time, he wants to get married and have a baby and be together and be happy
Thing were going absolutely wonderful for a while we were starting to save money together we had picked out engagement rings and talked about what type of wedding we wanted and when we would have a baby – it seemed like things were “perfect”
Then we had an argument it was blown completely out of proportion and a ton of things were said out of anger that didn’t need to be (mostly by him) but now things are right back to the way they were…
He’s back to saying he doesn’t want kids or to move out on our own that “he’s doing things his way and it’s his business” and he is kind of pulling away emotionally I feel
He said “damn you want everything a car, a ring, a baby, to move out; its too much”
I don’t understand why he keeps going back and forth between wanting those things and then not wanting them?
Any insight?
First of all, living with your parents, indicating financial troubles, is very stressful…. he may have thought about marriage and kids before, but the thought of paying for those… it could put anyone over the top.
HOWEVER, he is your boyfriend, and when you love someone, you should want those things. Maybe money is tight right now, but if I really loved someone I would say “I don’t see marriage or kids in the near future, but I see them with you, let’s wait until we move out to think about it. But for now, let’s make a hard plan to move out so that we can be truly independent.”
It seems like he doesn’t want to move out… he is confused. And in my experience a confused guy is a bad guy. He’s just going to be stringing you along… he likes the attention and support you give him, but he doesn’t want to give you what you need. Do you think that is fair?
You claim that he said “damn you want everything a car, a ring, a baby, to move out; its too much.” But really, any NORMAL person DESERVES these things??? He’s letting you settle for so much less, which in my experience, indicates that he is just not that into you.
I would consider leaving him if things do not change. Just prepare yourself mentally to leave. See if things get better in the next couple of months. If they don’t, GTFO.
How can you get away from your ex when you still love him but he wont stop contacting you?
To make my complicated situation more clear… Me and this guy have been on and off for two years. When I first met him, he was that guy that broke all the girls hearts, and of course, every girl wants to be the one to make that guy change. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, and he treated me amazing — it was a puppy love relationship, and I eventually wanted to date other people because I lost interest. Then I met the guy I work I first mentioned. It began sexually, as I was in no mindset to become serious. However, we really grew on eachother and became best friends, and he asked me out not too long after that. At first, our relationship was full of passion and moved rather quickly. I basically stayed at his house every night and we worked together, but eventually the butterflies stopped and he became more of like my father that I didn’t want to piss off. He would nag at everything I did and critisize me about everything, and I would get defensive and I just wanted to be left alone. So…obviously we moved too fast so we decided to seperate. I was completely fine with it, but then when we seperated, he began to act his old self again…and we started sleeping together…NOW…I assumed we were going to get back together BUT…NEVER HAPPEND. Everytime I would pull away bc he wouldn’t get back together, he’d find some way to convince me to come back. He’d show up, call me non stop and put me on guilt trips saying “your my best friend …how can you do this..” nonsense. He’s always there when I need him, but he’s not there for me emotionally, and he won’t be with me. He’s a very particular and unemotional person, but yet, he’s charming, sexually magnatic and hilarious. He’s loyal (and I’m not disallusioned by this…I know he is), but he keeps me at arms length. Its like his loyalty and his gestures keep me around but he won’t be with me and he only gives attention when its he who needs it…Only says I love you and I miss you when he loses me…and is relentless when I leave. Like unbelievably persistent, and I have been mistaking this behavior for love…but what is it really?? Selfishness?? He’s like Mr. Big from Sex in the City! Exactly like him. His persona and everything. How do I get AWAY from this man??? He causes me So much pain, but I love him…but I know he’ll never be able to love me like I need to be loved in order to be happy…Do I change my phone number??
After seeing everyone Feedback, Let me add a few details.
I blocked my number 4 days ago using smart limits…after we had a conversation as to why he wasn’t with me. I told me I love you! I love kissing you, sleeping with you, holding your hand, spending time with you…I think about you all the time ETC… he said I do too…I feel that way too… and then I asked him…then what’s the problem? Why won’t you be with me? He said…I love you, but I wouldn’t be happy…why would I do something that would make me unhappy? It makes no sense… and it clicked! He had a point!…it doesn’t make any sense to continue to do something that makes you unhappy…yet I’ve been doing it for 2 years for the sake of having him in my life. He has all the qualities I want in a man…He’s loyal, strong, honest, ambitious, and he pushed me to be better…however, the one thing that I Truly need he can’t give me. EMOTIONAL SECURITY! He told me it wasn’t something that he couldn’t help…he has a probl